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Retirement

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DNA_Double_HelixWe are all selfish and I no more trust myself than others with a good motive.

Lord Byron

At the roughly equivalent point last year – shortly after the Kickass Canada Girl and I had returned from Provence and before she flew back to Victoria to face the as yet unanticipated storm – we met some very old friends of ours (and – in terms of longevity – of mine in particular) for a drink at a very pleasant pub in the Surrey hills. I posted concerning that rendezvous here – the subject of which being elicited by Oldest Friend’s wife’s then recent retirement.

It is a sad side-effect of busy modern lives that – although we met our friends subsequently once more before Christmas – we realised recently that we had not done so since. Indeed – we had not even spoken to them! We rectified this sorry omission at the weekend by meeting for a drink at an altogether different – but equally pleasant – pub in the Surrey hills. Much catching up was done but one major topic of our conversation was not dissimilar to that of the previous encounter, we being – quite naturally – most keen to learn how their first year of mutual retirement had gone.

This whole question is once again at the forefront of our minds and I will be posting further on the subject shortly. Given the current climate it is no surprise that many of us of advancing years find ourselves preoccupied with thoughts as to how we will live once we are no longer ‘economically active’. Being baby-boomers we are nowadays assailed routinely by (or more accurately ‘on behalf of’) those less fortunate than ourselves (for which – in this case – read ‘younger’) and lambasted by complaints (of increasing ferocity) that we are somehow stealing their birthrights and plundering their futures.

The irony is that what many of those of us with a particularly late-sixties upbringing (if not actually hippies then certainly empathisers!) thought we were doing was our bit to save the planet. We are a gentle people with left of centre persuasions. We care about the environment. We care about inequality. We care about injustice. We still want to know what’s so funny ’bout peace, love & understanding… Accusations of selfishness thus wound us deeply.

And yet…

Whereas it has always been in my nature to feel vaguely guilty that I earn a pretty decent salary for what doesn’t exactly seem like rocket science (to me, at any rate!) and that I have been hugely fortunate to have found myself – quite accidentally – a member of some really rather good pension schemes – and whereas on the rare occasions that I have been obliged to seek better terms and conditions the experience has left me feeling as though I had just been accused of indecent intrusion upon some innocent instance of ovis aries…

…I can’t help but observe that – of late – my demeanor in such circumstances has shifted somewhat – and I am become considerably more single minded when it comes to maximising my possible returns. I am uncomfortably aware that this is the inevitable result of the realisation that time is running out – and that once the deed is done and I am no longer gainfully employed then the opportunities to influence my standard of living become negligible.

But that don’t mean that I like it!

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Photo by Lazellion on FlickrIt occurred to me – in the days leading up to my recent furlough from the world of work subsequent to the culmination of the summer term – that I might take the opportunity to conduct a small and not altogether scientific experiment. To whit – I would treat my time at home as an analogue for my eventual retirement. In this I was abetted by the fact that the Kickass Canada Girl had – somewhat to her chagrin – to go to work whilst I enjoyed my days at ‘leisure’.

I duly spent the week imagining that my time was my own – not just for the duration – but in perpetuity….

…and I have to say – I loved it!

OK – now I know that this was not a serious test and that my actual retirement – when it finally comes – will indubitably prove to be a very different experience. However, this experiment felt particularly good to me – and what I loved most was having the time to do things properly. So much of modern life seems to me these days to consist of rushing from pillar to post – squeezing ever more effort into a limited period and in return being rewarded with ever increased stress. I know that this is all about ‘efficiency’ and ‘productivity’ and that these are undeniably ‘good things’… except that as I grow older I find myself more and more doubting that they truly are so.

My one serious gripe with this leave of absence was that the days were quite simply not long enough! I have met all too many retired folks who complain that they don’t know what to do with themselves – that their lives have no structure and that they miss the motivation of having to work. I don’t get that at all! I read. I pottered about. I did some chores. I ran some errands. Sometimes I sat and thought. Sometimes I just sat!

I had time to do some work on a long-uncompleted song. The piece needed some serious thought and care lavished on it so that it could find its true form. I was able to devote such time to finding suitable sounds and to gaining a clearer picture of what it wanted – what it needed – to be. It is not yet finished, but I am already particularly pleased with the way that it is progressing.

I lunched with the Girl. Lunch at work is a rushed 10 or 15 minutes spent grabbing some sustenance before heading back to the desk. Lunch when one’s time is one’s own becomes what it really should be – the reward for a morning’s attention to detail and an opportunity to share all the delights of the day with those whom one loves.

Will I miss work when I do retire? You know – I truly don’t believe that I will.

When the time is right – it’s time to go.

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Photo by Andy Dawson Reid“Life isn’t a matter of milestones but of moments”

Rose F Kennedy

Here is one such moment – though one that does, as it happens, feel like something of a milestone…

Regular readers of these random jottings will be aware that – over the past 16 months or so – a number of targets, deadlines or turning points – what the navigators amongst you might call waypoints – have materialised only subsequently to evanesce. Amongst these were the movable feast that was to be my retirement, the uncertain date of my emigration to Canada and the point at which we might finally sell our apartment in Buckinghamshire.

All of these uncertainties give the whole process something of an air of unreality. It is all well and good laying plans and scheming schemes – deciding that such and such will be so – but until something concrete actually happens there is always a slight nagging feeling that one might just be pissing in the wind!

Well – an event has now occurred regarding which there can be no doubts.

At my previous school my pension age was sixty. Had I remained there I would now have been contemplating retirement in just over seven months time – regardless of any other plans that might have been made, or even of my own whims and fancies. Even so, the side-effect is that my pension from that school’s rather splendid scheme kicks in regardless shortly after the turn of the year – on the occasion of my sixtieth birthday.

I thus duly received – earlier this week – the forms necessary to set the process in motion. I have completed, signed and returned them. Though not in itself a particularly dramatic or life-changing event, it is the first real indicator that I am indeed approaching retirement – which occurrence itself truly will be momentous.

Now – that is a moment to celebrate!

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Photo by 37 °C on FlickrIt is difficult now to imagine that – had our plans of the past year come to fruition – I would have been packing up and moving permanently to Canada in a little over four months from now. Much of this imaginative difficulty stems from the ‘sheer weight of traffic’ on my calendar since the turn of the year. We have not yet achieved the vernal equinox and already six months’ worth of activity seems to have been  packed into a few brief weeks. How would I ever have found the time to organise my emigration? Right now – sadly – retirement feels a long way off!

This calendrical congestion has not been ameliorated by the precosity this year of Easter, which movable feast – as you doubtless know – falls on the Sunday following the first full Moon on or after the equinox. Since that date can be as early as March 22nd, this year’s festival (on the 31st) might be thought a breeze. By contrast to the latest possible date (April 25th) it does – however – still represent a significant squeeze to the schedule. School term finishes on Maundy Thursday (the 28th) so there is no time to ‘wind down’ before the holiday weekend commences.

Furthermore – the end of this particular term affords little opportunity to catch my breath…

The School’s Easter holiday will be a busy time – for those of us in IT at least. The remaining two departments must be moved into the new Science building and the occupants of our single boarding house must be moved out into their new accommodation so that demolition can start on the current building – to make way for the next phase of the redevelopment – the School’s new Drama Centre.

For my part there is an additional burden over the coming months – though ‘burden’ gives a somewhat misleading impression. I have agreed to direct the next School production – the Junior Play. Parts in this traditional end of year entertainment are open only to the 4th and 5th forms (ages 13 – 15) for the simple reason that everyone else spends much of their summer term buried in the examination hall – or in preparation therefore.

To add to other immediate stresses – therefore – it is also necessary to audition for – and to cast – the production before this term ends. Practically that means auditioning, recalling, whittling down and selecting twenty four from more than fifty budding thespists during the lunch hours of the only three full days next week that the boys are actually in school.

No pressure then!

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Photo by Andy Dawson ReidA few weeks ago I celebrated my birthday. Actually – ‘celebrated’ is probably somewhat too strong a word as I am of the persuasion that regards birthdays as mere nodding acquaintances rather than as seldom-seen long-lost friends. Actually – that isn’t entirely true either, because once a decade – on the occasion of what is melodramatically known as ‘the big one’ – I do let my hair down (what  remains thereof) and go – metaphorically at least – to town!

Needless to say – this was not ‘the big one’! That is still a year away.

When that festival does come around I had intended celebrating the event on the west coast of Vancouver Island. That may still turn out to possible, but the notion was predicated on the assumption that the Kickass Canada Girl and I would – by then – actually be living on the island. As that is no longer the case we may now need to re-consider. But then again…

The passing of this particular milestone has in any case not been without interest. I have now entered my sixtieth year on the planet and this is of itself food for thought. There is something about the ultimate season before a ‘major’ event that feels quite different. It is as though the hard yards have been gained, the finishing post is in sight and one can relax a little in the knowledge that the job has been well done. The feeling is somewhat akin to the endurance of the long distance flight. At the onset all is about settling in, getting comfortable and trying to moderate the chronometer of anticipation. The preponderance of the subsequent peregrination is spent asleep or in being fed, watered(!) and/or entertained. Finally – as one stirs, bleary eyed, from one’s semi-slumber to find that touchdown is less than an hour hence – an unreasonable sense of achievement pervades, as though to have survived the passage thus far were somehow note-worthy… a hangover perhaps from the days when travel really was an arduous undertaking.

At one point last summer I found myself experiencing a very similar feeling about having entered my final year at work before retirement. I had already commenced composition of a post on the subject for this blog at the point at which that hope was snatched away by the fickle hand of fate. Unfortunately, in my enthusiasm for this newly acquired state of pending retirement I had clearly mentioned my intentions to one or two too many others at the School. Such rumours have a habit of spreading like wildfire – as is the way in all such contained environments – and I now find myself somewhat embarrassed at having to disabuse eager well-wishers of the notion that I am shortly to disappear.

Now of course, when I do finally announce my impending retirement – at whatever point that happens – no-one will believe me!

 

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It is pretty clear that the fallout from our recent and comprehensive change of plans will take a considerable time to assimilate. The repercussions will undoubtedly be extensive and at this point we can’t even begin to guess at the eventual outcome. One thing that is pretty certain already, however, is that I am now most unlikely to retire next summer as previously planned.

The Kickass Canada Girl and I still firmly intend to relocate to Canada, though this will now probably take place somewhat later than we had originally intended. I could consider retirement at any point – finances permitting – much as I have done already, but the Girl – being younger than I – will certainly have to work for a few more years yet. As it seems that jobs in BC in her field are likely to be hard to come by for the foreseeable future we will almost certainly be staying in the UK for the time being.

This in itself is no great hardship of course. We both love Britain as well as Canada and there are plenty of things that we still wish to do this side of the pond. In some ways the delay might actually makes things easier. We have not yet found a purchaser for the Buckinghamshire apartment – the market still being as flat as a flat thing – and it would have been considerably more difficult trying to sell the property from a different continent.

The emotional fallout is more difficult to deal with.

No-one likes to feel that they have not completed a job to their own satisfaction. The Girl is seriously good at what she does and is understandably put out that in this case – through no fault of her own – it was not possible to leave things in the way that she would have wished. In this interregnum before starting her new job – and with all the stress of having to leave dear friends in Victoria and to deal with the complexities of moving her life back to the UK – she is having to work hard to stay positive and to focus on the future.

For my part finding that I am not after all to retire at the end of the school year is taking some adjusting to. At my previous school – which I left some seven years ago now – my retirement age would have been 60. It this school it is 65 and until recently I was resigned to working until I reached that milestone. The events of this last year – during which my prospective retirement was advanced initially to two and a half years time and then, when we discovered the grim realities of living apart, to eighteen months – found me having to make a considerable mental adjustment. I had – unfortunately – just about reached the point at which I was fully committed emotionally and psychologically both to retiring within this short time-frame and also to moving immediately to Canada. I had even picked out my Canadian vehicle and boat!

As a result I am now having to work hard to change tack and to launch myself on a different emotional course. I find myself performing the maneuver much like the captain of some ponderous, gargantuan oil tanker. Changing course is certainly possible – but it will take a while…

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I carry with me at all times what might these days probably be best described as a ‘man’s clutch organiser’.

It might, of course, also be called – usually with a whiff of obtrectation – a ‘man bag’.

This pejorative – with its invidious and somewhat mysogynistic insinuation both that the female of the species is in some way inferior and that a man who carries such an item is, by implication, somehow lacking – might in no small part explain why so few men – even in these enlightened times – actually carry one.

Such opinions trouble me not, as I have carried a bag in one form or another since the early 80s. I started doing so at roughly the same time that I cut my hair! Yes, when I left school in 1972 – having been required to keep my locks “above the ears and ‘orf’ the collar” throughout the fag end of the 1960s – I determined that I would henceforth wear it as long as I wished, and thus did not subsequently get it cut again until 1981 or thereabouts. Having surviving – from the unenlightened – the torrents of ‘humorous’ obloquy on the subject of my appearance throughout that godforsaken decade I am rendered completely immune to any such jibes.

I am frequently asked what I carry in my bag. The short answer is – ‘everything’! The slightly longer answer is – ‘all the things that other chaps stuff in their jacket, shirt and trouser pockets – then have to remember to switch to other clothes when they change – and have to remember to take out before they sit down or they’ll break their mobile phone”. That sort of thing…

The other question that I am asked is – “aren’t you afraid of losing it?”. Well – I never have lost one, but I have suffered several thefts. On one occasion my wallet was stolen from the bag… whilst I was holding it front of me… in a lift… in the Hotel Cosmos in Moscow! When – subsequent to the event itself – I worked out how it had been done, I was almost in awe of the execution of the heist. The setup had featured a little old Russian lady acting as the distraction, whilst the ever-so-helpful young Russian guy ever-so-helped himself to my wallet whilst ever-so-helpfully holding the lift doors open. Sweet!

On the other occasion the bag itself was stolen – in the bar at the National Theatre in London. This was particularly embarrassing as I had gone there to meet someone that I had not met before and did not know – to discuss a creative project. The bag – containing all my worldly possessions – was lifted from the foot of my chair as I sat in the bar having a drink with her. Without keys I had to abandon my car in the service road in front of the theatre, and without money I was forced to borrow from the stranger that I had just met in order that I might catch the train home.

I have replaced the bag at intervals as each has – one by one – fallen apart. As a result I have observed that these things go in and out of fashion, and that it is sometimes virtually impossible to get a bag with a sensible configuration – one that can hold everything without being ridiculously bulky. When I found the present incumbent – five years ago in Paris (don’t we sound cosmopolitan!) – I snapped it up immediately even though it was wickedly expensive, because it was the closest I had ever found to being the perfect bag.

Recently, however, it has started to show its age. One of the main zips has failed rendering it insecure and thus considerably less attractive. I enquired of Tumi – the manufacturers – as to whether or not it could be repaired, given that the leather itself is still in pretty good condition. Tumi hinted that they would need to send the bag away to Germany and wanted to charge me so much for the pleasure that it was really not worth doing.

It crossed my mind that – like me – the bag was ready for retirement and I took the opportunity of meeting friends in London last weekend to try to locate a suitable replacement. I was in for a shock. Tumi had discontinued this, the most useful bag in their range, and had no substitute that was even close. Further investigation revealed that – as far as bag manufacturers are concerned – this sort of thing is now distinctly out of fashion again. After a frustrating afternoon’s search I had to concede that I was not going to find a bag anywhere near as perfect as the one that I was about to retire.

Perhaps I should think about this a little more…

Naturally the InterWebNet provided the solution – a firm on Eton High Street called ‘1st Class Leathergoods Repairs’. Those that know Eton will, of course, not be at all surprised that in the end the solution was more or less on my doorstep, or indeed that it should take this form. The firm’s website announces:

“We are repairers to 

  • The Bridge – Il Ponte Pelletteria
  • Jane Shilton
  • Hidesign
  • Louis Vuitton
  • Mulberry
  • Radley
  • Samsonite
  • Tula & S.American Hide leather Holdalls, Land etc
  • Texier
  • new zip from £36
  • ladies purse
  • gents wallet
  • passport holders
  • handbags
  • shoulder bags
  • luggage wheels repair
  • antique trunks, storeage trunks, steamer trunks, wicker trunks
  • vintage car trunks, door retainer straps, bonnet straps
  • masonic cases , bags for freemasons
  • straps and covers, 
  • custom – bespoke hand made leather case, hand made leather 
  • custom made bespoke gunbags, custom hand made guncases
  • leather rip repair, leather scratch repair
  • leather strap, canvas strap, webbing strap, luggage strap
  • gun cases, cartridge bags, gamebags, refurbish , reline , 
  • footwear uppers, ladies sandal straps, riding & polo boots
  • fireside bellows
  • leather Tankards
  • leather grommets & washers
  • fire safety leather straps
  • experienced pilots have old cases
  • pannier bags, picnic cases, pencases
  • musicians have instrument cases – guitar , saxophone , mandolin , violin , cello , trumpet , horn
  • laptop bags, holdalls, cases
  • leather clothing, bike jackets, bike all in ones
  • embossing leather, embossing on sewn on panels
  • leather care products
  • repair estimates for insured travel goods, luggage, suitcases

Customers over the years have been unusual and varied in their requirements, and include historically famous families, celebrities, and business and professional personalities, as well as meeting the every day needs of ladies and men and people on the go.”

I can’t argue with that – and my ‘man bag’ is now safe in their hands.

I did reflect – as I walked away from their shop clutching all my worldly possessions in a plastic carrier bag – if there wasn’t a message in this for my own retirement!

Can’t think what it might be though…


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“It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.”

Professor Scott Elledge on his retirement from Cornell

 

You may have noticed that my posts over the last couple of weeks, whilst covering a variety of topics, have steered clear of further commentary on the progress – or otherwise – of my campaign for Canadian permanent residency and of next year’s proposed move to British Columbia. Truth be told, this latest separation from the Kickass Canada Girl has been particularly tough on us both and I have, subsequently, concentrated on keeping my mind occupied elsewhere rather than brooding on the tortuously slow progress that is currently being made on that front. The start of the academic year at the School – with its concomitant frenzy of work – has in any case not left much time for reverie.

I do feel now, however, that it is time to start thinking positively again – to attempt to make manifest the progress that has been lacking hitherto. To that end I intend re-commencing investigation of a number of the topics that need to be addressed – such as how to ship all our worldly possessions over the ocean to Canada – and whether or not I should put all our belongings into storage, give up my rather splendid rented apartment and find a room somewhere… as a way of saving some monies.

I am going to start, however, with the notion of retirement. I am aware that it is a big step, and that if one fails to plan… yada, yada, yada! I intend, therefore, to do some reading and some thinking and, as ever when I do such, I will then inflict the results thereof on the gentle reader in my usual series of whimsical musings.

Though by no means limited to circumstances such as those in which I find myself, the last year at work before retirement does take on a particular poignancy if one works in education. Because the school year is, in the main, a repeated cycle of events – not just terms (semesters!) and holidays (vacations!), but also plays, concerts, sporting events, founder’s days, benefactors’ lunches, prizegiving and so forth – the final year manifests as a series of mileposts that flash past, counting down to a rapidly approaching destination. As each event passes I am made acutely aware that this was indeed the last time that I shall experience it, and that the next such occasion will take place in my absence. This – naturally – makes one only too aware of one’s insignificance in the great scheme of things. These great schools have survived half a millenium and more. They will certainly survive my departure.

The question is – of course – will I?

…and the answer is – of course I will!

…but it won’t necessarily be easy. Time to get planning…

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“Fools may our scorn, not envy, raise.
For envy is a kind of praise.”

John Gay

The day after Kickass Canada Girl and I returned from Provence we had lunch – sitting under the blazing sun outside a surpassingly pleasant country pub in a typically bucolic Surrey village – with my oldest friend and his wife. By ‘oldest’ I actually mean ‘longest serving’, as it were, since he and I have known each other since I was nine and he seven and we were at school together back in the late 60s. I have known his wife for nearly as long – she being the same age as he – and it is one of the apparently inevitable sadnesses of modern life that these days we don’t get to see each other nearly enough.

Without going into detail it is fair to say that my friend and his wife have had a difficult couple of years. Some of the things that have happened to them have been echoed to a degree in both my life and that of the Girl, and as a result our empathy levels are high…

Both the Girl and I felt on this occasion – however – that there was a new-found air of tranquility about them which suited them well. The genesis of this was not difficult to ascertain; Oldest Friend’s wife (who has been Deputy Head of a preparatory school for as long as I can recall) had – shortly before the end of the summer term – taken the apparently un-premeditated decision to retire with immediately effect – or as close to such as can be achieved by those in the teaching profession!

Though it might – under the circumstances – seem inappropriate to feel even a tad envious, I must nervously admit to having briefly experienced that emotion. I am well aware that retirement can bring its own difficulties, and that the transition can be stressful. I have observed first hand examples of those for whom the entire undertaking was an unmitigated disaster. I am also only too aware of current pressures to extend one’s working (though not necessarily productive!) life longer and longer. However…

On the day following the aforementioned lunch the Girl flew to Warsaw on business, where she languishes even as I write. Once again we are restricted to Skyping each other, though at least for now without the eight hour time diference. She will be back in the UK tomorrow and then – after the Bank Holiday weekend – will return once more to Victoria. This time – and it hardly bears thinking about – we will not see each other face to face until November, when we meet in Hong Kong to attend the wedding of some lovely friends of ours. Under the circumstances a little envy may surely be forgiven.

Oldest Friend ventured the opinion – with reference to his wife’s decision – that even when such a course of action has not been seriously considered, one often knows – instinctively and instantly – when the time is right. I absolutely concur with this view. Even though I have to work out this coming academic year I know already that the time has come for me to step away.

I’m done!

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the Walrus said,
“To talk of many things:
Of shoes–and ships–and sealing-wax–
Of cabbages–and kings–
And why the sea is boiling hot–
And whether pigs have wings.”

Through the Looking Glass – Lewis Carroll

 

I am aware of having turned a corner – of having reached a milestone – of having crossed the Rubicon… and – quite possibly – of other ‘travel’ related metaphors! Kickass Canada Girl is in Victoria and life has changed. It is time to emerge, blinking, into the light of a new day, to sniff the air and to take a first look around – though perhaps mixing Lewis Carroll and Kenneth Grahame is a step too far (on second thoughts, maybe not – I recommend to you Jackie Wullschlager’s excellent ‘Inventing Wonderland’).

It is six weeks now since I started this blog with no clear idea as to where it might lead or as to what it might include. The experience thus far has – for me at any rate – been most interesting and instructive. I thought it might be a good idea at this point to sit back and consider some of the topics that I intend to cover in the near future.

The Girl and I are currently having to jump through all of the usual administrative hoops associated with moving from one continent to another. The InterWebNet is a hugely valuable resource and I really do wonder how these things were done before its existence. I am currently watching Jeremy Paxman’s excellent (note: there are critics who disagree!) BBC documentary study of the age of Empire and I am struck by just how difficult it must then have been to perigrinate the globe the way we do now. It is quite extraordinary how much could be achieved with such rudimentary tools, and I can’t help thinking that we have lost vital skills whilst at the same time gaining much that is ephemeral. I sometimes wonder if the torrent of information through which we now wade is in fact more of a hindrance than a help. That might seem unlikely, but it has taken considerable effort on occasion to find answers relevant to my own questions. Having said that, if anything that I write should ever prove to be the slightest use to anyone following a similar path then I will be reassured that I am not simply adding to some gargantuan information landfill.

The Girl and I will be henceforth be engaged in what I believe is dysphemistically called a ‘long distance relationship’, the TLA for which is, of course, LDR. I have been reading up on LDRs (the InterWebNet is particularly fruitful on the subject, though much of it seems to be aimed at students who are separated academically) and I intend to pass on some of what I have gleaned. More pertinently I hope to discover whether any of the received wisdom actually works in practice.

I shall certainly at some point touch on retirement since I am aware that this too represents a major sea change and that there is much to be learned. My gut feeling is that retiring and moving continent at the same time will actually prove somewhat easier than doing so separately, but this of course remains to be seen.

I shall doubtless also engage in – and subsequently discourse upon – various displacement activities. Kickass Canada Girl – who is endlessly thoughtful and wise – gave me a Cajon kit before she departed. This – along with the new camera – will doubtless keep me out of trouble for a while at least.

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