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The dance when it’s been danced

“Because children grow up, we think a child’s purpose is to grow up. But a child’s purpose is to be a child. Nature doesn’t disdain what lives only for a day. It pours the whole of itself into the each moment. We don’t value the lily less for not being made of flint and built to last. Life’s bounty is in its flow, later is too late. Where is the song when it’s been sung? The dance when it’s been danced? It’s only we humans who want to own the future, too. We persuade ourselves that the universe is modestly employed in unfolding our destination. We note the haphazard chaos of history by the day, by the hour, but there is something wrong with the picture. Where is the unity, the meaning, of nature’s highest creation? Surely those millions of little streams of accident and wilfulness have their correction in the vast underground river which, without a doubt, is carrying us to the place where we’re expected! But there is no such place, that’s why it’s called utopia. The death of a child has no more meaning than the death of armies, of nations. Was the child happy while he lived? That is a proper question, the only question. If we can’t arrange our own happiness, it’s a conceit beyond vulgarity to arrange the happiness of those who come after us.”

Tom Stoppard – ‘Coast of Utopia’

2026 is, it would seem, a year in which life has decided that for us at least, further urgent lessons are needed to complete our schooling; particularly when it comes to matters of mortality.

As we grow older and gingerly approaching our dotage, it is perhaps little surprise that for many of us our thoughts increasingly incline toward the fragility of our existence on this blue/green orb and to the contemplation of whether the ‘after’ has any meaning at all when it comes to the curtailment of ‘our little lives’.

Against this sombre background the untimely and increasingly frequent passing of our greatest heroes and icons (the loss late last year, for example, of the literary giant that was Tom Stoppard and, just this very week, of the incomparable Dolly Parton) – leaves us shell-shocked and wrung-out, engulfed in tearful melancholy.

This it turns out, however – is just the tip of the iceberg. In a world already beset by a sea of troubles, it is losing those who are close to us that wounds the most, leaving us lost without a compass in miasmas of incomprehension, rapidly ending up shipwrecked on the jagged shores of grief.

This year has also marked the passing of loved ones, of friends, of family,  of those who we loved but with whom we have lost touch… even of much respected neighbours.

This feels too much…

Next time – I promise more positivity!

The song when it’s been sung…

For reasons that will very rapidly become apparent, this post (promised in my last as a rounding off to the series which featured our recent visit to the interior) comprises a rare treat; a piece written by The Girl herself.

More I need not say:

 

 

Full circle moment.  Or at least it felt like that to me.

One early afternoon in August 1972 my Aunt M called me at my best friend’s house and said I had to come home – my granny’s house actually, but also home.  I was not impressed at being torn away from my friend, but I was ultimately obedient and I went.  When I arrived, I learned that my mom had been rushed to hospital.  One update was that they were doing a tracheotomy and she had a 50/50 chance of survival.  Looking back, I realise now that meant nothing to me – I could only see the 50% as a positive thing.  I had zero experience with death.  We waited for more news.  I told myself that I would wait for one more update and then I was riding my bike to the hospital.  She died of a brain aneurysm before I could get there.  She was 39. 

Skip forward 54 years.  My husband and I are visiting the Interior of the province and catching up with family.  I want to visit Aunt M, my mom’s sister, and the youngest of the family – she is 90 and I don’t get to where she lives very often.  I probably thought that this might be the last time I see her.  She was recently moved from assisted living to long term care and even more recently to a room on a different floor with fewer people with cognitive decline.  This was important because Aunt M is sharp – funny and on it.  She sent me stories of the residents and what they got up to and had me in stitches.  She didn’t even complain about being an island surrounded by people who are living in their own worlds.  She was not impressed by the food unfortunately and had lost weight since she arrived.  She would often ask for more mashed potatoes at meals as she loved them and it was something she found palatable.  Sadly this request was not always granted.  We had a good visit and when she indicated she might like to go to mass we took that as our cue to leave. 

We travelled to the Okanagan and visited friends and stopped by my cousin’s summer place on the way back. We learned that Aunt M had a brain aneurysm early in the morning and my cousin, her husband and daughter were on their way to the hospital.  We followed shortly after.  We learned that she had a massive brain bleed and was at the end of her life.  She was not conscious.  I stroked her hair and talked to her – I told her she was doing a great job – her body knew what to do and all she had to do was let go.  I promised her all the mashed potatoes she could eat – that she would reunite with her husband whom she missed so much and all the people that went before her.  As I had very recent experience (March 2026) of watching my beloved stepmother pass, I could tell that she was very near the end. She passed very early the next morning.

90 is a noble age to pass, I think.  I am not sure my auntie had the easiest life, but her later years were spent with a man she loved – a man who adored her – her daughter, grandchildren, and lots of nieces and nephews who loved her. 

And what is a life really, but the sum of our experiences and the people we love and who love us.  I will miss her and her funny stories and I hope with all my heart that wherever she is there is lots of mashed potatoes.

Rest in Peace

 

As if by magic

Photo by Andy Dawson ReidWay back in the mid-70s – when I was a considerably younger man than I am now (just about into my 20s in fact!), I had a friend with whom I have since completely lost touch. Given all that has happened since those far-off days (not least the fact that I now live on a different continent) that is really not very surprising.

At the time this friend was also the sound and lighting man for the first band in which I played. Handily he was – by trade – an electrician.

One day, when he and I were constructing something music related (building bass bins for the band’s PA, probably) he gave me a metal biscuit tin; the very one that can be seen in the illustration that heads this post. This tin was full of assorted screws and nuts and bolts that he had collected during his training and his time as an electrician. If ever I needed a screw for something all I had to do was to dig into the tin and I could be sure that I would find something that would be just the job.

The reason that I mention this now is because – as we were making progress with clearing out The Girl’s step-mother’s condo up in Nanaimo – we found some small jars containing random screws – the which I thought I would add to my collection.

As I duly did so it occurred to me that – though taking screws out of the tin is something that has happened repeatedly throughout the decades since the mid-70s – I have only very, very occasionally put anything into it. In spite of this – and here is where the magic comes into it – the level of screws etc in the tin is virtually identical to that which has been the case ever since I was gifted the collection more than fifty years ago.

Spooky – huh?!

 

 

Passing the baton

<a href="https://www.wannapik.com/vectors/18027">"This work"</a> is licensed under <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/4.0" target="_blank" rel="noopener">CC BY-NC 4.0</a>As a matter of self-discipline I have for some years now tried my best to post to this journal at least once a week. Eagle-eyed observers will have noticed that I have – of late – fallen down on the job somewhat.

On this occasion there is good reason for such lacklustre performance. I hope that the gentle reader will indulge me if I meander around the houses a little by way of explanation…

Back in the dim and distant past – on March 7th 2014 to be precise – I posted to this forum a missive entitled ‘The Music of Time‘. As is my habit that post too danced around its true topic for a while, before heading for the home plate. The subjects of this creed were a pair of engagements on consecutive days in March 2014 with which The Girl and I had been involved. Remember that we were yet living in the UK at that juncture – and neither of us had reached the point of retiring (for the first time!). The key element of that posting ran as follows:

The first of the weekend’s events was the memorial service for a very long-standing acquaintance – my oldest-friend’s wife’s father – whom I have known for more than four decades. He was, of course, of my parents’ generation – of whom in our circle only a very few now remain. He enjoyed a good life and the occasion was very much a celebration thereof rather than being overly solemn. None the less, such acts of remembrance always invite a degree of introspection regarding the transience of our existence – this one being no exception”.

A dozen and more years have passed since that gathering and you will doubtless be unsurprised to hear that of those of my parents’ generation who were closely connected to us in the UK – by familial bonds or by mutual friendship – there are now none left alive. Little less surprising will be the fact that on this side of the pond – with a few exceptions – the same applies (The Girl is four years younger than I!).

Sadly there is now one less. Last week The Girl’s step mother passed away in Nanaimo here on Vancouver Island. This wonderful woman – at the age of 89 and having endured years of chronic pain – checked herself into hospital on a premonition that her time was approaching.

I met this splendidly independent and indomitable woman (who would think nothing of disappearing into the desert on her own for weeks at a time) when The Girl first brought me to Canada in 2006. She and the Girl’s father then lived in Nanaimo, but they had previously lived on Gabriola island (when not voyaging to Desolation Sound and beyond on one of their boats – ‘The Kindred Spirit’ or ‘Halcyon II’). The Girl and her step mother had a great deal in common and they were very close.

The Girl being the sole executor of her step mother’s estate we are now having to spend much time in Nanaimo, sorting out the issues of the estate. For her this we are happy to do.

Rest in Peace – Alice June Dawson.

Done at all…

“Sir, a woman’s preaching is like a dog’s walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all.”

Samuel Johnson

A couple of days back The Girl and I drove up island to the small but quaint town of Ladysmith – to luncheon with The Girl’s mother. It was a splendidly sunny day and we had a really good time on the Mill Bay ferry, cruising up the Trans-Canada Highway and enjoying a very agreeable lunch in a somewhat unexpected ‘English’ pub called the Fox and Hounds, the which is in the middle of Ladysmith.

It will probably come as little surprise to anyone who knows where we live that ‘authentic’ UK and Irish pubs can be located quite readily on the island – and they do tend to be pretty good facsimiles of those across the pond. This one offered home-made steak and kidney pies (long time since I indulged!) which were more than satisfactory. They also did a really rather splendid sticky toffee pudding (particularly excellent when they acceded to our request for additional toffee sauce)!

Yum!

On the way back to the ferry we saw on the road something that I have never seen before. A dude passed us on the highway on a big bike – and on the pillion seat there sat a big dog! The dog was wearing some sort of harness – though I couldn’t make out the details – and had his front paws on the dude’s shoulders so that he could see the road ahead…

…and ‘Yes!’ – the dog was wearing goggles!

I would love to have been able to take a photo, but neither dude nor dog where hanging around – and we had a ferry to narrowly miss (though we did have a most pleasant wait in the sun for the next crossing).

When I got home I leapt upon the InterWebNet to see if I could locate a suitable image to head up this post. What I found was – of course – that our sighting was by no means a rarity and that dogs on bikes are quite a thing.

Who knew?

Any road – here are a few snaps taken in Mill Bay whilst we lounged about waiting for the ferry.

Photo by Andy Dawson ReidPhoto by Andy Dawson ReidPhoto by Andy Dawson ReidPhoto by Andy Dawson ReidPhoto by Andy Dawson Reid

Simpcw Days

To the North Thompson last week for the annual gathering of the First Nation of which The Girl is a proud member.

On Thursday last I drove up to the North Thompson to join The Girl (who had flown up a few days earlier) in a long weekend of re-uniting with family, participating in cultural and outdoor activities and gratefully and humbly attending most meaningful traditional ceremonies.

My weekend did not get off to an entirely auspicious start since – having disembarked from the ferry at Tsawwassen at about 10:30 in the morning – what is normally a five hour journey ended up taking seven hours… the which included just two 10-15 minute comfort/food breaks.

With the roads being very busy anyway and the Trans-Canada highway subject to considerable amount of construction work, one (or more) accidents within the road-works caused the highway to be temporarily closed. Three lanes of huge semis (articulated lorries) and pickup trucks (trucks) were filtered down to one lane… before we were booted off the highway altogether, with no helpful signage to guide us to where we might re-join the route. A temperamental sat-nav in The Girl’s Mazda didn’t help and I had to resort to following the biggest truck in the hope that it was going the same way as was I.

By the time I finally reached Barriere I was well and truly ‘toast’…

…all of which was immediately forgotten first thing the next morning when we clambered eagerly aboard an old yellow school bus to head off on a whitewater rafting excursion down the bottom seven kilometres of the Clearwater River. Whitewater rafting has long been on my bucket list and the experience was – as expected – a huge blast. I had hoped that some promised photos of our exploits – taken by the whitewater rafting team – would have arrived by now and could accompany this post. Never mind! Maybe later…

As indicated above I felt greatly honoured to be able to observe the ceremonies and rituals that occupied the last morning of our stay. I have read a fair amount about such things since coming to Canada but to be present at one was really most affecting. The Girl was nominated (thank you to her generous nominator) to be one of those honoured in the blanket ceremony – the which was completely unexpected…

…though well deserved!

Little Qualicum Falls

For the second day’s excursion on our recent trip to Nanaimo and its environs, The Girl, her mother and I paid a visit to an attraction to which I had not previously been – Little Qualicum Falls.

Our various previous journeys up island – to Tofino, Courtney and other points north and west – have taken us to within a short distance of Little Qualicum Falls Provincial Park, but there are just so many places worth a visit on the island that it comes as no surprise that the ‘still to do’ list is as long as it is. Grateful thanks to The Girl for suggesting on this occasion  that we tick this one off the list.

No need of a lengthy screed on my part in this instance. I will let the camera do the work instead:

Photo by Andy Dawson ReidPhoto by Andy Dawson ReidPhoto by Andy Dawson ReidPhoto by Andy Dawson ReidPhoto by Andy Dawson ReidPhoto by Andy Dawson ReidPhoto by Andy Dawson ReidPhoto by Andy Dawson Reid

Angels come to visit

Photo by Andy Dawson ReidThe golden moments in the stream of life rush past us, and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.

George Eliot

If – on our recent expedition to Scotland – the eagerly anticipated prospect of the spectres of my ancestors queuing up to welcome us as we crossed the Tay at Perth and headed north into the foothills of the Grampians proved to be a touch quixotic – then much the same might be said of The Girl’s hope that she might re-experience the sense of wonder with which she had been so captivated two decades before on the unexpected discovery of such treasures as the Rosslyn Chapel and Kilmartin Glen.

It is not that these inspiring attractions are any the less worth seeing a second time around (with perhaps, for The Girl, the added bonus of being able to introduce them to me!) but more that the magical, mystical manner in which they were encountered on the previous visit could itself never truly be replicated. It is also the case, of course, that the monuments themselves have evolved. The renovations at the Rosslyn Chapel have moved on many a mile, whilst there is now a splendidly refurbished and extended museum at Kilmartin Glen.

So – where does that leave us? The Girl and I have both waxed lyrical to family, friends and acquaintances regarding the gratifyingly fulfilling nature of the trip; but what was it then that so captivated us?

Well – my ancestors may have been coy but that did not prevent me from revisiting the more recent past. It was quite a shock to realise (somewhat belatedly, truth be told) that though I am familiar with many of the places that we chose to visit (from our family holidays there in the 60s and 70s) it had been fifty years and more since last I saw most of them.

Fifty years? How is that even possible!?

I quickly found myself revisiting in my mind anew these Caledonian vacations that had constituted such a formative element of my teenage years – reminiscing unexpectedly about the very details of what had been such an important part of my upbringing. Sharing these memories with The Girl proved to be a surprisingly sweet experience – she learning things about me that she had not previously known, at the same time that something similar was happening to me. I took great pleasure in introducing her to the area in which our clan originated (the valley of the river Garry; Pitlochry, Blair Athol and Calvine) and it was a great delight to walk once again through the pass of Killiecrankie down towards the Linn of Tummel.

Asked about her highlight of the trip The Girl thought for a while and then pronounced that for her that would be our brief sojourn on Orkney. She had been determined from the start to work the Orkneys into the itinerary and she was not disappointed. She struck gold in finding our host, Nicky Bichan, in Kirkwall, who not only runs a splendid B&B – Shorelands – but also gives full-day guided tours of all of the historical and archeological sites. Nicky and his wife, Kirsten, are genuine and thoughtful people, perfectly placed to effect an introduction to the tight-knit community that is the Orcadians.

Should you ever find yourself in Kirkwall we would also strongly recommend the Storehouse Restaurant. We ate there on both nights of our visit, the second because we enjoyed it so much the first time.

The other element of the trip that had a big impact on us both was that of the making of connections. The Scots have a well-earned reputation of being a particularly friendly and welcoming race. Clearly this must also rub off on those who move to Scotland – or perhaps even just pay a visit. The other day The Girl and I composed a healthy list of those with whom we had had fascinating conversations on our travels. These are just a few examples:

  • The lunch-time waitress in the Edinburgh bistro who grew up in the circus – because her mother was a trapeze artist
  • The young man at the Thistle Stop Cafe – adjacent to our splendid National Trust apartment on the Royal Mile – who had spent time with his relatives in Kelowna here in BC
  • The Georgian gentleman who runs a whisky shop in half of the building that still houses our small but fascinating clan museum at Calvine
  • The unexpected Romanian couple who run the restaurant at the golf course in Blair Athol
  • The indomitable elderly Texan ladies with whom we shared our tour on Orkney (we avoided conversations about politics and guns!)
  • The Californian couple on the ferry back to Thurso – and the kind eastern European gentlemen who volunteered to help them to recover their hire car that had suffered a puncture as they hurried to catch the outbound ferry
  • The lovely couple who ran the AirBnB on Skye. He was from Yorkshire – she from Edinburgh. On the day we arrived, he had just put his fishing boat in the water for the summer season. He offered to catch us some fish the next day and – true to his word – appeared bearing three splendidly fresh mackerel – the which we cooked for our supper. Yum!
  • The theatrical house manager and chef at the excellent Lime Tree restaurant in Fort William. I thought I had lost The Girl after dinner but found her lost instead – in shared theatrical anecdotage with this enthusiastic brace of thespists

Photo by Andy Dawson ReidOne more item of reminiscence – and in a quiet way one of my top highlights of the journey. The photo at the top of this post is of our clan chapel in the tiny Perthshire village of Struan. In the small graveyard that surrounds the chapel may be found many memorials to important members and officers of the clan. If you examine the sign affixed to the chapel door you will see that the building is owned by a trust on behalf of the clan – and can be used for ceremonies and gatherings by members of the clan. My brother was married there all those years ago – and now, standing in that quiet and isolated churchyard in the heart of clan country, I really did feel a connection to something ancient and good.

Reflections

This would seem to be an appropriate moment to reflect on our recent expedition to Scotland, with a view to identifying how successful was the trip and, indeed, whether or not it lived up to our hopes and expectations.

The first thing to say was that we had a really good time and enjoyed ourselves enormously. There is nothing that we had wanted to do that went undone – and no element of the adventure that disappointed. It certainly more than made up for the setbacks of 2023, the which were thoroughly (and exhaustively) documented within these pages at the time.

The Girl and I had been talking about visiting Scotland for some considerable time, starting many years before we took wing from the UK and set up home here on the west coast of Canada. The irony of the deferment of the trip to the point at which it became a major operation is not lost on us.

That the staging of this expedition was so obviously important to us both tells a tale. Given my ancestral roots and The Girl’s desire to revisit in my company magical places that she had encountered but once before (and that prior to our meeting) the quest was necessarily imbued with added significance. Could the reality possibly live up to the mythos?

Now, I must be honest and admit that – for my part – I ventured to the land of my fathers with the hope and expectation that I might identify further connections to my heritage; to gain some renewed sense of familial roots. In truth, of course, given that I am already in possession of the ancestral research that my father effected before his passing and the fact that there are considerable practical difficulties in pursuing any such leads beyond the dead-ends that had already been reached – this was always going to be something of a long shot. There are other avenues that can – and should – be explored but it became clear this particular journey was not really the time nor the place so to do.

So – if that turned out after all not to be the main theme of our tour – then what did? As so often in these scribblings that is going to have to wait for an unanticipated and unexpected second installment of this missive…

Vancouver Days 4 & 5

Photo by Andy Dawson ReidThe last two days of our brief but highly pleasurable visit to the mainland were dedicated to visiting some of The Girl’s family – for the first time since the pandemic began. On the Sunday we had a most enjoyable dinner in Port Moody with cousins and then on the Monday retraced our footsteps to North Vancouver to pay a call on The Girl’s ninety five year old aunt. It was wonderful to sense just a glimmer of normality after such a long time with little but our own company – vastly pleasurable as that always is.

We had made only the most tenuous of plans for the last day so had not booked a place on a ferry crossing to the island, guessing that the Monday would be fairly quiet and that we could just pitch up and jump aboard.

Wrong!

As The Girl negotiated the maze of routes out of Vancouver towards Tsawwassen I looked up the status of the sailings on the InterWebNet. At this time of year ferries depart hourly – on the hour – but we could see that the 1 o’clock and 2 o’clock sailings were already full. As The Girl put the ‘pedal to the metal’ (she likes that!) we watched the rolling updates from BC ferries indicate that the 3 o’clock was filling rapidly and that the 4 o’clock was not far behind. When we finally reached the terminal at Tsawwassen we we told we might be on the 4 pm or it might be the 5 pm!

Having not yet had lunch and mindful of the long wait to come we headed for the terminal building to source ourselves some victuals – only to discover that a power failure had resulted in all of the concessions being closed – barring the confectionery stand and they were only able to take cash as all of the machines were ‘hors de combat’.

Bah!

That was not the most healthy repast that we have ever consumed.

No matter – we were determined not to let such small things spoil a most enjoyable trip and we were soon home again.

A final flurry of images from the journey home.

Photo by Andy Dawson ReidPhoto by Andy Dawson ReidPhoto by Andy Dawson ReidPhoto by Andy Dawson ReidPhoto by Andy Dawson Reid